Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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