thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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