He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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