Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
