Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
