My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
