mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
