I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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