You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish you could order shots online.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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