I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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