Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
