I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
