Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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