i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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