I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
