i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize