You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
