My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dignity is for republicans.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
