I'm really into asian looking animals
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
