'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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