i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
