So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am naked and annoyed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize