I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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