You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
