dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize