It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
