and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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