after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
