She's JV to your varsity
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
