u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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