i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize