it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
