I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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