The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
