White coat. Heels.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
