New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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