New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
