Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
