Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My bed smells like the plague
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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