and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
