she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
