is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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