dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
