Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
