we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
