yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
