i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
