I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
