Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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