even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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