Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
