Im at strip club and am horny
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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