I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
