I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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