I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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