my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
