Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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