My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
