Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize