im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How external is "for external use only"?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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