I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hippo gnu deer
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
