had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
