Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
