I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
