I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
