ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
