You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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