just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
ok first of all what the fuck
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
