My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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