I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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